Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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