She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
