Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Randomize
