I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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