Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
