My pussy is not your playground.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
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