my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
