I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
