so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
