My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
