Dual....:-)
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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