I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
