Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
His nipple licking is glorious
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