I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize