Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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