Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
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