we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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