frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
