Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize