This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
You were trust falling into bushes
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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