im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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