I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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