I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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