I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
