Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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