So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
