ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
