Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
