She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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