Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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