It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
