Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Randomize
