i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
