youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
