God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Houston, we have a blender
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
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