Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
