Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
pray to the hookup gods
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
