Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
