My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
