About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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