New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize