she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
