I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
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