david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
