Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
