just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
