the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
me + whiskey = a bad person
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
