I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
