I want to have your abortion
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Randomize
