There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
