he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
