Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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