just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
