C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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