My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
