Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
How's work?
Spinning.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
