using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
