If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
God, I missed his penis.
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