Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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