Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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