Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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