How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
