i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
