There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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