god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
